Wednesday, June 4, 2014

IMDb - The Soapbox

My Undeserving Treatise

You might wonder what it would be like for a person to be born in Florida and live somewhere else, like, as a teen..well, you got it!!

I am from the "safe" areas of Florida, the "normal" places, like NYC. That means all Southeastern and Northeastern Florida..

I moved to the best place by New Orleans.

I moved back to Florida but to a big city, Orlando. I just found I had my dad's mom's parents going to Orlando when my dad was little and maybe before, to catch fish.

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My dad's family lived all around Pennsylvania. Some are from New York state. They have PA Dutch Amish blood.

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My life was not perfect. I did learn in my environments and am better off than most.

I found that New Orleans, I was longing for the beach. At the beach, I longed for the hills and farmland. I was so sick for the beach, I believe that's why the wind of Katrina helped finish blowing us all to that locale. It is like a sickness, sickliness, like a type of dying. I found I didn't care so much of Florida being the South, like Key West especially, unless I also was involved in New Orleans since I lived there for years. I feel a deep sense of pain not living on the beach, like Reese Witherspoon and being born in New Orleans and moving to Germany and Tennessee.

What else? There's nothing very happy about the experience when you feel you've done something wrong with your life. I can see differences, though.

I think about this stuff a lot. I miss New Orleans and being able to be in like Miami and that region.. It's hard to think of what to say.

The worst thing is it's not what makes me, but Florida instills in you a certain feeling that I knew I could never get back again, and it's what I connected to, more of a reverence for pop culture.

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Also, New Orleans is dear to me cuz it's so magical. The place is okay itself. It teaches me to let lose and enjoy what life I have. I mean, life is too short. It fixed me physically, I felt. Going up north put me in step with the world. There was something missing even though I am from Florida. Also, I was skinny until we moved. I felt things were still okay, but the truth was I was gaining weight and not improving in my piano studies. New Orleans is even more important than Florida in a way. Florida is still there. It taught me things personally. It's just different feelings you can't describe easily. Like, it's not about being a ghost on a beach but a real person behind a fence of flowers. Up north helped more than either 2, but I needed the grounding I had. Up north was like magic, literally. Like, world was always on the beat and positive about life and being alive if you are. I felt so much force around me. New Orleans was more pressure. There were complicated ideas. Like, I'd go to the gym, and it felt like a beat hype. It wasn't like hot. It was cool. The grocery store seemed like a factory or tree with different products to change you into something you want to be.. Walking outside with lamp posts and little quaint shops, some places with foods. I was in a college, too, with a conservatory of music. I even feel the need to go back. I have a need to be here, as well. Same as New Orleans. It's like a family. I fantasized up north while walking until it was too much for school and I got sent home. I even got "sick." I thought I was dying and imagining living demons around me. It wasn't painful like life and was more entertaining and emotional. I wanna act and make money so I can go to college and goof off. I do wanna do well. I just want money to buy toys, a house nearby..

I do miss New Orleans still. It is a smart place that works hard to make the world mean something.

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 just an animal watching time go by under a silly summer sun

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